160: "What To Do When Your Boss Breaks The Boundaries They Set Themselves?" ft. Alli Murphy

Erik and Alli walk through what a C-suite leader should do when a new CEO breaks an early promise about no weekend or after-hours contact. They frame it as a leadership expectation problem across past, present, and future, then get practical about aligning definitions, the “rules of engagement,” and how to reset things without defensiveness.

🧭 Conversation Highlights

• Erik reframes the issue as a violation of expectations set by a leader who holds real power over the C-suite person’s day-to-day life.
• They identify two critical “words” that often derail trust: what counts as “reach out,” and what qualifies as an “emergency.”
• Alli describes a practical, non-confrontational approach: not responding when the message is not actually an emergency, using Do Not Disturb, and letting the CEO recalibrate.
• They land on the need for a future-facing conversation that is curious and team-oriented, including options like clear expectations, desired outcomes, and even code words for true emergencies.

💡 Key Takeaways

• When expectations are violated, clarity on the specific terms matters more than the intention behind the promise.
• “Emergency” is rarely a shared definition, so leaders and executives should align on criteria and desired outcomes when it matters.
• Non-escalating pushback can be effective when it signals the mismatch between the CEO’s words and behavior.
• You do not have to choose between full compliance and full exit. There is a middle ground that can protect your boundaries while still delivering results.

❓ Questions That Mattered

• What does “reach out” mean in practice, and what does “emergency” mean in your world?
• If this is an emergency, what outcome needs to happen and how does the leader expect the person to handle it in real time?
• How should disagreements about urgency be handled, and what is the acceptable way to say “I don’t agree that this qualifies” (without derailing trust)?
• Can and should the conversation be revisited later to reset expectations moving forward? How?

🗣️ Notable Quotes

• “I won't reach out to you at home unless there's an emergency.”
• “Could we take a moment to make sure we're on the same page around what reach out means?”
• “What is it that makes this an emergency and what's the desired outcome that needs to happen if this indeed is an emergency?”
• “Two things, one, they don't own you and they don't own your life. Work is a part of your life, not the whole thing.”

🔗 Links & Resources

• Listen To Other Episodes Co-Hosted With Alli