152: "What If Your Team’s Feedback Is the Wake-Up Call You Need?" ft. Alli Murphy
What happens when your team tells you that you’re the problem?
In this candid, real-world conversation, Erik and Alli unpack one of the most uncomfortable leadership moments: being told your stress is impacting your team. Instead of dodging it, they explore what’s really underneath that feedback—trust, pressure, over-responsibility, and the hidden stories leaders tell themselves.
This episode moves beyond surface-level advice and into the messy middle: defensiveness, grief, identity, and ultimately… growth. It’s a conversation about what it takes to shift from carrying everything alone to leading with your team.
🧭 Conversation Highlights
- The hidden trust in hard feedback. When a team tells you something difficult, it’s not rebellion—it’s risk. And often, it’s a sign they still believe in you enough to say it out loud.
- The “protector trap” leaders fall into. Many leaders justify their stress because of how much they shield their team—but that protection can quietly turn into overcontrol.
- Stress isn’t random—it’s a signal. Most stress traces back to one core belief: “I can’t” or “I don’t know how.” Naming that changes everything.
- From defensiveness to collaboration. The shift isn’t “explaining yourself”—it’s inviting your team into solving the problem with you.
- Why emotional regulation is a leadership skill. How you enter a meeting matters. Pausing, breathing, and choosing your presence can change the entire tone of a team.
💡 Key Takeaways
- Hard feedback = earned trust. If your team is willing to say it, they haven’t given up on you.
- Stress leaks when it’s unprocessed. If you don’t manage it intentionally, your team absorbs it unintentionally.
- Over-responsibility creates bottlenecks. Doing everything yourself doesn’t make you strong—it limits your team’s growth.
- Clarity beats pressure. Naming “I can’t” or “I don’t know how” opens the door to real solutions.
- Leadership is shared, not carried alone. The best move isn’t shielding your team—it’s equipping them.
❓ Questions That Mattered
- What does it say about your team that they were willing to tell you this?
- Where are you overprotecting instead of empowering?
- What are the “I can’t” or “I don’t know how” statements driving your stress?
- What would it look like to solve this with your team instead of for them?
- How do you want to show up before you walk into the room?
🗣️ Notable Quotes
“People don’t share things like that unless they care about you.”
“There’s probably some version of ‘I can’t’ or ‘I don’t know how’ at the root of your stress.”
“What can we do to fix this—together?”
“How I show up impacts my team.”
“If I can’t carry it all, then I need to help my team level up.”
🔗 Links & Resources
