091: "How Can I Be Diplomatic Without Sugar-Coating?" ft. Alli Murphy
In this sharp and insightful conversation, Erik Berglund is joined by leadership coach and facilitator Alli Murphy to explore a question that came straight from the field: How do I navigate tough conversations with honesty—without sugar-coating or throwing people under the bus? Together, they unpack the emotional and strategic layers of diplomacy, drawing on real-world leadership scenarios, coaching insights, and personal stories.
Whether you’ve ever felt stuck between being too soft or too sharp, this episode will give you language, frameworks, and permission to do both—kindly and powerfully.
🧭 Conversation Highlights
- The unspoken emotional cost of sugar-coating
- Why diplomacy without candor is self-sabotage
- Alli’s framework for separating facts from fiction
- What to do when new leadership joins—and you have hard truths to share
- The difference between being a “nice boss” vs. a “kind boss”
- How to ask for permission to tell someone the hard thing
- Managing perception vs. managing outcomes as a leader
- Real-world scripts for talking to senior leaders (without throwing others under the bus)
💡 Key Takeaways
- Sugar-coating isn’t diplomacy—it’s self-protection
- Kindness requires clarity, not avoidance
- Effective leaders name the fear, then name the truth
- Diplomacy is a co-creative act, not a performance
- You can be candid and compassionate—those are not opposites
❓ Questions That Mattered
- “What’s the thing you’re afraid to say—and why?”
- “What are the facts here, and what’s the fiction I’m telling myself?”
- “How do you want me to challenge you—in public or in private?”
- “What’s possible if we tell the truth about what’s not working?”
- “Am I trying to manage someone else’s emotions, or lead with clarity?”
🗣️ Notable Quotes
“Sugar-coating isn’t for them—it’s for you. It’s self-sabotage dressed up as diplomacy.” – Erik
“You can be both diplomatic and direct. There’s a rainbow between silence and bulldozing.” – Alli
“Kind bosses tell the truth. Nice bosses make people feel better. Don’t confuse the two.” – Erik
“The story I was telling myself was: He might hate my idea. The truth was: He didn’t even know the program existed.” – Alli
“Diplomacy starts with getting people bought in on the opportunity—not just the issue.” – Erik
🔗 Links & Resources
