031: The Secret to Make Hard Conversations EASY

In this solo episode of I Have Some Questions..., Erik goes straight into the heart of what most leaders avoid: hard conversations. If you've ever dreaded giving feedback, delayed the tough talk, or spiraled into overthinking how it'll be received — this one’s for you. Erik breaks down why we avoid these conversations and offers a simple, repeatable framework to make them easier, more human, and more effective.

❓The Big Question

How can leaders approach hard conversations in a way that actually makes them easier and more productive?

💡Key Takeaways

• The dread of a tough conversation usually stems from fear of the other person’s reaction, not the topic itself.
• You can’t control their reaction, but you can control the setting and your words.
• Preparation includes asking your people ahead of time: “How do you prefer to receive tough feedback?”
• Body language and tonality are crucial — especially in virtual settings.
• The 3-part enrollment process (what’s in it for them, your intention, ask for permission) can open the door to trust and accountability.

🧠 Concepts, Curves and Frameworks

• Rules of Engagement: Pre-agreed ways to give and receive feedback. Ask before you need them.
• The Enrollment Model:
  1. What I want for you – Frame the benefit from their POV.
  2. What I want to do – Reveal your intentions clearly.
  3. Ask Permission – Invite them into the conversation.
• Flipping the Frame: Your feedback isn’t just about fixing problems — it’s a gift that could unlock their next level. Not sharing it? That’s the real disservice.

🔁 Real-Life Reflections

• Ever sat on a hard conversation so long it got harder? Erik calls it out: the longer you wait, the worse it gets.
• He shares a moment when his own boss’s unclear intentions made him defensive — and why transparency matters.
• From body language on Zoom to soft tonality in voice, Erik highlights how subtle cues can shift everything.

🧰 Put This Into Practice

• This week, identify one conversation you’ve been avoiding.
• Draft an opening using the Enrollment Model:
  • What’s in it for them?
  • What’s your intention?
  • How will you ask permission?
• Try this: Next 1:1, ask your team, “How do you want me to give you feedback when it’s hard to hear?”

🗣️ Favorite Quotes

“If you were more confident the conversation would go well, you probably wouldn’t dread it so much.”“To not tell somebody the missing secret to their next level of success — that’s pretty rude.”“Knowledge doesn’t solve problems — skill does. And skill comes from practice.”