118: "Is There Actually a Playbook for Building Trust as a New Leader?" ft. Alli Murphy
Trust isn’t built by proving you’re right—it’s built by proving you’re safe to work with. In this co-hosted conversation, Erik and Alli unpack what it actually takes to earn trust when you’re new, misunderstood, or quietly doubted. They explore the tactical moves leaders can make to build credibility—and the internal work required to stay grounded when the room hasn’t decided to believe in you yet.
This episode lives at the intersection of leadership, identity, and emotional regulation, tackling what to do when your presence alone feels like an unpopular decision.
🧭 Conversation Highlights
- Why trust deficits exist even when you’ve done nothing wrong
- The difference between listening and waiting your turn to speak
- How “rules of engagement” prevent unintentional trust breaches
- Why proving yourself is often the wrong goal
- The hidden cost of staying in “I need to earn this” mode for too long
💡 Key Takeaways
- Trust is accelerated when people feel understood—not impressed
- You don’t need to justify why you were hired; that decision wasn’t yours to make
- Listening periods without clarity create anxiety—structure builds safety
- Internal conviction matters more than external validation
- Belonging shifts when you act like you already belong
❓ Questions That Mattered
- How do you build trust with people who think they already know you?
- What does earning trust look like without over-accommodating?
- How do you regulate yourself when you feel doubted or dismissed?
- When does “proving yourself” quietly undermine your leadership?
- What changes when you lead as someone who’s already earned the seat?
🧠 Concepts, Curves & Frameworks
- Listening Windows (30–60–90 days): Learn before you lead—but don’t disappear
- Rules of Engagement: Co-creating how feedback, conflict, and decisions happen
- Working Relationship Docs: Two-way clarity instead of one-way expectations
- Conviction Before Consensus: Internal clarity precedes external buy-in
- Earned vs. Explained Authority: You don’t owe a defense of your role
🧰 Put This Into Practice
- Ask new teammates what matters to them before explaining what matters to you
- Explicitly discuss how disagreement and feedback should work
- Build a “wins folder” to ground yourself when doubt creeps in
- Stop answering questions you were never responsible for answering
- Lead one conversation this week as if you already belong
🗣️ Notable Quotes
“You didn’t hire yourself. Stop holding yourself accountable for a decision you didn’t make.”
“Trust isn’t built by moving fast—it’s built by listening well.”
“Your presence might be the unpopular course… and that still doesn’t make it wrong.”
“Proving mode is exhausting—and rarely necessary.”
“You earned the seat. Now lead like it.”
🔗 Links & Resources
