109: "How Playing the 'Chief Everything Officer' Role Leads to Burnout" ft. Alli Murphy

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It’s only mid-January, and Erik and Alli are already fielding DMs from high-achievers who are feeling… fried. Instead of the usual New Year buzz, there’s burnout, exhaustion, and the quiet voice saying, “I’m already over it.”

In this episode, the two explore why this is happening, especially for those in leadership or “Chief Everything Officer” roles—and what to do when your drive turns into depletion. They talk about internalized rules, shifting incentives, false reward systems, and the uncomfortable but liberating process of rewriting the script.

❓ The Big Question

If you’re already burnt out… what now? And how do you make space to actually recover?

💡 Key Takeaways

• Burnout is often driven by invisible rules we’ve internalized. If you don’t surface them, you can’t rewrite them.
• Your incentive structure may have expired. What used to motivate you might not anymore—and that’s not failure, it’s evolution.
• People are rewarded for behaviors that lead to burnout. From fast email responses to picking up the team’s slack, subtle “praise” reinforces overextension.
• Burnout doesn’t always mean you need a vacation. It may mean you need to realign with what actually matters.
• Stillness is the medicine—but it requires courage. Slowing down to assess the problem feels costly, but it’s the only way through.

🧠 Concepts, Curves, and Frameworks

• The Chief Everything Officer Trap – When people (especially women) take on every role out of habit, fear, or conditioning.
• Internal Operating Rules Audit – A practice to surface the beliefs driving your overextension (e.g., “I must always be available”).
• The Reward Shift – What used to excite you—money, praise, titles—may not anymore, and that disconnect creates exhaustion.
• Short-Term Pain vs. Long-Term Burnout – A moment of pause and reflection now may save months of depletion later.
• Add to Life, Not Just Subtract from Work – The counterintuitive truth: small additions to joy can catalyze massive change.

🔁 Real-Life Reflections

• Alli shared her own experience with burnout and how writing out her “internal rules” (and identifying where they came from) helped her make lasting change.
• Erik reflected on how burnout often stems from disconnection—either from the purpose behind the work or from a reward structure that no longer fits.
• They both emphasized how often burnout is not about workload alone—but about meaning, identity, and the patterns we’re unconsciously following.

🧰 Put This Into Practice

1. Audit your “unspoken rules.” Write down the expectations you feel pressure to live by—then ask, “Where did this come from?”
2. Name your old rewards. What used to feel good that no longer does? What would be more meaningful now?
3. Ask yourself: “What’s the alternative?” If stillness feels hard, ask what staying stuck is costing you.
4. Treat burnout as data, not a defect. It’s a sign that something’s misaligned—not that you’ve failed.
5. Add 5% more joy or life outside of work. Even small shifts can create the momentum to reset.

🗣️ Favorite Quotes

“Burnout is not your fault. You might be unknowingly contributing to it—but those rules? You learned them from someone else.” – Alli

“You can't remind someone why something matters. They have to reconnect with it themselves.” – Erik

“The rewards are no longer that rewarding—and that’s the real problem.” – Erik

“You’ve been praised for behaviors that led to burnout. That conditioning is real.” – Alli

“There is a solution. And you don’t have to burn it all down to find it.” – Erik

🔗 Links & Resources