103: “How to Support a Team Member's Growth Without Undermining It” ft. Alli Murphy
In this energizing co-hosted conversation, Erik and Alli kick off 2026 by exploring a subtle but powerful leadership challenge: how to support (rather than sabotage) someone’s attempt to change. Whether it’s a colleague trying to break a habit, a teammate aiming higher, or a loved one shifting patterns, change can unintentionally threaten the status quo—and trigger our resistance. The duo break down why that happens and how to respond with intention, empathy, and influence.
❓ The Big Question
How do you avoid accidentally undermining someone’s momentum when they’re trying to change?
💡 Key Takeaways
- Most people want to be supported, not scrutinized, during change. Knowing someone’s goals helps you avoid being the person who kicks the metaphorical “sucker” out of their mouth.
- Change feels threatening because it disrupts predictability. We subconsciously rely on others being consistent so we can feel safe.
- Encouragement matters more than perfection. Letting people know you’ll still believe in them—even if they stumble—can make all the difference.
- Leaders need to watch their own habits too. It’s easy to overstep, micromanage, or “rescue” someone—robbing them of growth.
- Discomfort is a feature, not a flaw. The right amount of stretch helps people step into their next level.
🧠 Concepts, Curves, and Frameworks
- The “Loop Disruption” Effect – Humans live in narrative loops. When someone changes, it disrupts that loop, which creates uncertainty.
- Supportive Failure Framing – Communicating that failure is expected and recoverable (“Don’t fail two days in a row”) helps sustain effort.
- The Confidence-Crush Trap – Leaders often jump in too early when someone falters, inadvertently killing their confidence.
🔁 Real-Life Reflections
- Erik shared a moment from his leadership past when he dismissed an employee’s self-directed goal—and only realized later how much damage that moment caused.
- Alli recalled a pattern of jumping into meetings to “save” direct reports, which short-circuited their learning and visibility. She now uses a physical cue (sitting on her hands) to let others lead.
- Both highlighted how change requires not just action from the individual, but space and belief from those around them.
🧰 Put This Into Practice
- Ask what someone’s working on changing—at work or beyond—and how you can support them.
- Reinforce that failure is expected and doesn’t disqualify them from your belief in their potential.
- Resist the urge to rescue. Let your people stretch through discomfort and find their own footing.
- Use reflection questions, like: “Where do you usually stumble when trying to change something?” and “What helps you recover?”
- Choose curiosity over critique when someone does something differently than usual.
🗣️ Favorite Quotes
“We want people to be predictable… because that makes us feel safe.” – Alli
“The person who best knows how they need to change is usually them.” – Erik
“When you fail, I still believe in you.” – Erik
“Sometimes you just have to go through it, feel the discomfort, and wrestle your way out.” – Alli
“Make your people uncomfortable… the right way.” – Erik (with a grin)
🔗 Links & Resources
