095: "Letting Go Of Your Fixer Instinct" ft. Monique Lecomte

In this episode, Erik sits down with therapist, leadership coach, and seasoned facilitator Monique Lecomte for a raw and generous conversation on the dynamics of leadership, healing, and relational growth. Through the lens of her experience—from working with incarcerated women to coaching senior executives—Monique reveals how personal wounds, cultural systems, and relational patterns show up in our work, and what it really means to lead with presence rather than performance.

👤 About the Guest

Monique Lecomte is a licensed therapist, executive coach, and founder of Relational Leadership Institute, where she helps leaders and teams explore the intersections of psychology, systems, and culture. With a background in social work and a sharp, compassionate presence, Monique brings trauma-informed frameworks to organizations, blending therapeutic insight with strategic clarity. She’s worked in prisons, non-profits, and corporate boardrooms, always with the same mission: make the invisible dynamics visible—and transform them.

🧭 Conversation Highlights

• The subtle (and not-so-subtle) trauma responses that shape how leaders show up
• Why the “fixer” instinct often creates disconnection and resentment
• What leaders can learn from therapists—and what they absolutely shouldn’t copy
• How systemic inequality shapes interpersonal dynamics at work
• The difference between “holding space” and avoiding discomfort
• A practical exercise for exploring relational patterns using you <--> me language
• Why every team has a collective nervous system—and how to listen to it
• The real role of somatics, not as a trend, but as a signal of what’s unspoken

💡 Key Takeaways

• Fixing is often a disguised need to reduce your discomfort—not meet their need.
• Every interaction is shaped by what’s in the system—past stories, power dynamics, and unspoken rules.
• Language matters: even small shifts (“you <--> me” structures) can expose entrenched roles and change a conversation.
• Unprocessed trauma or identity harm doesn’t stay personal—it shows up in leadership.
• Your body often knows the truth before your mind will admit it.

❓ Questions That Mattered

• “What are you protecting when you keep trying to fix things?”
• “What happens in the space between two people when one always performs and the other always disappears?”
• “What’s the cost of leadership that avoids conflict in the name of harmony?”
• “How do we lead when our nervous system is still recovering from old wounds?”
• “What shifts when we treat power as relational, not positional?”

🗣️ Notable Quotes

“Fixing makes the other person disappear. It assumes they’re broken and you know better.”

“A lot of what we call leadership is just a well-trained trauma response.”

“The room is always full of ghosts—of systems, of stories, of history. The work is learning how to see them.”

“There’s a difference between being regulated and being controlled. One leads to connection. The other leads to shutdown.”

“I’m not here to optimize you. I’m here to help you tell the truth in the room.”

🔗 Links & Resources

• Check out Monique's Website: moniquelecomte.com
• Monique's LinkedIn
• Monique's Instagram
• Read or Listen to 'The Expert Generalist', Monique's Book