078: "The Quiet Toll of Being the Go-To Person" (lessons from Michael Bostarr)

🧠 Erik’s Take

In this deeply reflective debrief, Erik unpacks the powerful themes that emerged from his conversation with Michael Bostarr—especially the tension between performing and leading. Drawing from his own experience coaching high achievers, Erik dives into how identity, trust, and team dynamics shape the evolution of a leader. This episode gets personal, strategic, and practical as Erik reveals the emotional undercurrents of leadership that often go unspoken.

🎯 Top Insights from the Interview

• High performance can become a trap: When your identity is built on being the best doer, letting go becomes terrifying.
• Trust isn’t about belief—it’s about action: If you’re over-functioning, your team will under-function.
• The hardest shift for leaders is internal: Moving from control to collaboration requires unlearning old success patterns.
• Unspoken agreements breed stagnation: Without challenging team norms, even great performers can plateau.
• You don’t rise to leadership—you grow into it: And that growth often begins with letting go.

🧩 The Personal Layer

• Erik shares the quiet toll of being the “go-to” person for everything—how it feels validating but ultimately unsustainable.
• He reflects on moments when he realized his leadership habits were rooted more in proving than empowering.
• The vulnerability of trusting your team before they’ve “earned it” is real—and necessary.

🧰 From Insight to Action

1. Audit your leadership identity: Are you still winning by doing, or have you made space for others to rise?
2. Practice “trust reps”: Give away responsibility before you're comfortable—and hold the space as they grow.
3. Watch where your team looks: If every head turns to you in meetings, your system still centers you.
4. Challenge your team norms: What's unspoken but holding performance back?
5. Name the fear: What are you afraid will happen if you truly let go?

🗣️ Notable Quotes

“The more a leader over-functions, the more a team under-functions.”

“Your identity is not your output. But if no one’s ever told you that, you’ll keep chasing validation in the doing.”

“Letting go isn’t passive. It’s a radical act of leadership.”

“Don’t just trust your team. Train them. Then trust them.”