070: Are You Too Nice to Be a Good Leader?

In this solo episode of I Have Some Questions..., Erik flips the script on a widely held belief: that being “nice” makes you a better boss. With characteristic fire and clarity, he challenges listeners to stop aiming for short-term emotional safety and start choosing long-term leadership impact. Erik introduces the sharp distinction between niceness and kindness—and why the latter is essential to leading high-performing teams.

❓ The Big Question

Is your need to be liked quietly killing your leadership impact?

💡 Key Takeaways

• Being “nice” often protects the leader, not the team.
• Kindness requires courage, clarity, and short-term discomfort for long-term benefit.
• Nice leaders avoid conflict and, in doing so, rob their people of growth.
• You’re not doing your team any favors by holding back hard truths.
• Real leadership means choosing to say what needs to be said—before someone else has to.

🧠 Concepts, Curves, and Frameworks

• Kind vs. Nice:
   Nice = self-protection.
   Kind = other-person prioritization through honest feedback.
• Emotional ROI Framework:
   Short-term comfort vs. long-term career benefit.
• Kinetic Commitment Practice:
   Writing names + truth beside them to prompt follow-through.
• Two Seconds of Courage:
   The minimum threshold of bravery required to start a hard conversation—and the key to building the muscle of leadership.

🔁 Real-Life Reflections

• Erik breaks down how a "nice boss" unintentionally sets people up to be blindsided—by layoffs, missed promotions, or accountability they never saw coming.
• He shares examples from clients navigating real-world scenarios like maternity leave, time-off boundaries, and emotional trauma—and how kind leadership helps prevent confusion or resentment.
• Personal stories of leaders transforming “avoidance guilt” into honest connection—and getting promoted people, not just happy ones.

🧰 Put This Into Practice

• Mindset Shift: Say or write the phrase: “I’m going to be kind, not nice.”
• Name Exercise: List your direct reports and write down one truth they need to hear—from kindness, not frustration.
• Plan the Conversation: Reflect on the last time you were “nice” instead of kind. What will you do differently next time?
• Use Courage + Conviction: Remind yourself: If you don’t tell them, you’re holding them back.
• Revisit Episodes 4, 5, and the upcoming one for conversation starters and scripts to help you follow through.

🗣️ Favorite Quotes

“A nice boss will prioritize their own short-term emotional comfort over your long-term success.”

“Being a nice boss is lazy. It's inconsiderate. It avoids the real responsibility of leadership.”

“Kind bosses get people promoted—not because they give things away, but because they help their people earn them.”

“If you don’t tell them the truth, you are the block in their success. And that should be unbearable.”

“You don’t need to be fearless. You just need two seconds of courage.”