001: What Does It Mean to Be a Leader?

🎙️ Episode Snapshot

In this solo episode, Erik takes us deep into one of the most deceptively simple and misunderstood questions in leadership: What does it mean to be a leader? This is not about personality traits or lofty vision statements—it’s about one clear, powerful definition that transforms how you show up, lead, and grow others. If you’ve ever felt the tension of being too nice, too controlling, or just unsure how to unlock your team's potential this one’s for you.

❓The Big Question

What does it truly mean to lead someone and how can we know if we’re doing it well?

💡 Key Takeaways

• Leadership is a verb : to lead is to influence someone toward an advantage .
• Influence means being the proximal cause of change. Y ou disrupt the status quo in service of growth.
• Advantage must be defined by the person being led , not the leader.
• Many leaders fail by being overly relational, overly rational, or by simply “leading by example.”
• Great leadership lives in adaptability, tuning your approach to the individual, not your preference.

🧠 Concepts, Curves, and Frameworks

• F3 Definition of Leadership : To lead is to influence someone toward an advantage.
• The Influence + Advantage Matrix :
  • Relational Leader : Kind but ineffective; avoids discomfort.
  • Rational Leader : Logical but uninspiring; misses buy-in.
  • Lead-by-Example Leader : Hardworking but misaligned; leads only themselves.
• Golden Rule 2.0 : Don’t lead others how you want to be led, lead them how they need to be led.
• Leadership as Conversation : Leadership emerges in everyday conversations whether they’re verbal, written, asynchronous.

🔁 Real-Life Reflections

• Erik shares a personal leadership fail: giving team members heads-up messages he thought were helpful, only to find they eroded trust.
• He recounts how discovering the F3 leadership definition reshaped his entire approach to coaching and accountability.
• Sports coaches like Nick Saban and Steve Kerr illustrate that the best leaders unlock , not overpower.
• You should aim to be the worst individual contributor on your team, that’s how you know you’re empowering others.

🧰 Put This Into Practice

• Audit Your Conversations : Were you talking or listening more? Did you ask open-ended questions?
• Ask This Question Today : “What can I do to be a better leader for you?”
• Shift to Influence Mode : Identify one person on your team and ask yourself, “How can I influence them toward their advantage today?”
• Ditch the Traits Checklist : Focus on practicing the skill of asking powerful, open-ended questions.
• Identify Your Bias : Are you too relational, too rational, or defaulting to “lead by example”? Adjust accordingly.

🗣️ Favorite Quotes

“If all you’ve got is a hammer, every problem looks suspiciously like a nail.”“Nice bosses keep people happy until the layoff list hits. Kind bosses care about long-term good.”“Leadership isn’t about how you want to lead. It’s about how they need to be led.”